A New Chapter

A lesson learned

Where should I begin? How should I my recent thoughts into words? Have you ever been in a situation where you let your anticipation destroy everything you have planned for? Have you ever been in a situation where you think the idea is perfect, but then in reality, it’s just all wrong? That is what exactly I went through recently.

A week ago, I had wanted to write about something that happened which changed a part of me over the past month or so.  However, that didn’t matter to me anymore.  Tomorrow marks a new chapter of my life - a milestone to be precise.  I will join the workforce and end a hard journey that lasted for four years.  If I also had to include the total number of years I spent in school, it would probably add up to more than twenty years. 

I am afraid of the unknown, afraid that I wouldn’t live up to expectations.  I am also excited that I will finally be able to contribute something to my family, excited that I will finally have some sort of tangible accomplishment other than pieces of school certificates that I have come to be so familiar with.

Over the past two days, I have been trying enjoy myself at home: reading the Twilight saga, re-watching Before Sunset and vegging out on the sofa. I guess once I start work, I will never truly be enjoying myself as much even if there was annual leave or sick leave.  I think I am just being silly…perhaps I am just afraid of changes.

Aside from entering into a new phase in life, 15th July also marks mid 2009.  I am trying to reflect on what has happened in the past few months.  What have I done to improve anything, if at all? If not, what kind of goals should I set for myself for the remainder of 2009?

After some thinking, I cannot pin-point specific events after January 2009.  I remember PCLL being less busy that the 1st semester, but it was still my priority.  I remember going through one the most difficult times in my life - job hunting.  The nights where I didn’t know I had so many tears inside of me.  The frustration I felt and how I had to call several people for consolation.  Then there was a time where a friend was so busy I felt neglected and didn’t know if I was in any position to be mad at that person. Then I got an offer and felt a heavy weight lifted off my shoulders. I felt a lot lighter and could finally smile a bit.  Time passed by and soon it was my birthday and somehow exams were creeping in. I started planning for the Europe trip. Everything went by really quickly from then onwards. Exams were done, trip was finished. I got back as if nothing much has really happened…but in reality a lot has changed since January.

I don’t feel like I have changed much.  After all, we are all made up of our cores. One thing I have learned to believe in is this: everything happens for a reason. For the past four years, I have been fighting two hard battles. I feel like I have won one but lost the other. I guess it didn’t matter if I lost the latter battle. I just needed an end to it. I knew that by July, I would have some sort of verdict on my side. I just didn’t know it had to be this way. I even thought it would be difficult for me, but it turned out to be the opposite. Things DO happen for a reason. It was so much easier for me this way. Perhaps this is fate. Something is telling me that it was time. It really was.

Now that I have done some reflections on first half of 2009, my goals for the rest of the year would be – work and work life balance.  I would have to sit down and really think of my saving goals.  I guess I will do that after I settle in at work and after I get my first paycheck (not to mention I still owe my parents so much money for the trip)

I wish the day would pass by a bit more slowly today, just so I can enjoy this one last day of freedom.

由零開始

I Wish I could...

I always wonder why I chose to lead such a difficult life.
Why can't I just work at an office 9 to 5 and have a happy life like most people?
At the end of the day, we all just work for a living. Does it really matter that I don't make as much?

Wait no, I can't. I want to be able to earn enough so I can go on vacations, buy some nice apartments/homes for me and my parents, get a nice car and perhaps be able to enjoy life with these "materialistic needs."

However, it seems like I'm now aiming at a career that will never be able to let me enjoy life as much as others. I look at facebooks of some of my friends who travel here and there with their significant others. Most importantly,it seems like most of them have already entered into a new phase of their lives. It's not that I want to get married, but sometimes I wonder if this whole career as a lawyer is worth it in the very end.

So what that I'd be making a tad bit more than others? It's like I've lost everything in the course of this degree and studying. (well perhaps not, I did meet some great ppl and acquired some skills and panda eyes). At the end of the day, I could have led a happier life by just working at a less paid job. I may have had met someone in my life already. Now it seems like I've pushed both away farther and farther......

I just wish this madness would be over soon. I wish I had less standards...I wish....I wish....

The Race Against Time

When you're 17, you seem to have all the time in the world. You sneak into parties, hang out and do whatever you like because time is never an issue. At 18, you go to college and still, there is plenty of time for you to hang out, go to parties and have fun. Those 4 years are probably the best years of your life. At 22, you come out from college and "the race against time" begins. Years start to go by quicker than ever and you realize you don't have much time left to achieve all your goals within that certain time frame (say about 8 yrs).

The race includes two specific goals:
1. a successful career and
2. establishing a family.

Initially this may only look like achieving two goals at one time. But really, you have to achieve all of this before you're 30 or whatever age you set this goal at. I say roughly 30 because unless you came up with Youtube or borrow money from your parents to invest in stocks from the HSI for the past few months, I'd say it's pretty difficult to set these goals earlier than 30 (the more money you have, the easier it is to achieve both goals).

So why is this called a race? Perhaps I should point out this race is more applicable to women than to men. I say this because men is pretty much at the top of their game in their 30s while women in their 30s pretty much go down hill from there. As women, if you're lucky and able to meet your husband-to-be at college, then you're pretty much set on goal #2. But remember, timing of meeting your husband-to-be from college is of essence. Meeting him too early, you two might not survive the change in environment upon graduation. For those of you who aren't as lucky (whether you broke up with him right after graduation and what not), time is running out faster than you know it.

Sure at 22, you still feel like you have plenty of time left looking for that right person. But in reality, 2 years passes by so quickly, you don't really have much time left until you turn 25. In those 2 years, not only do you keep searching for that person, you also have to figure out whether you've chosen the correct career path and what not...and you keep on trying. Once you hit 24, you're at that awkward age where you're no longer young, but you're not considered as old either. You look at pictures from the past and you realize how tired you look as opposed to the ones taken just two years ago. You no longer have the energy to party till 4 am and still look like you have slept 12 hrs the night before and you get a hangover that lasts for several days. Your facialist tells you to get a firming cream/lotion because your skin is beginning to lose its elasticity. This is bad news for you as you definitely need to stop yourself from aging quickly because you still need to look your best in order to achieve goal #2. You panic and go to the nearest department store to see what kind of firming products are available because you've never thought you needed one so early.

People say there's a quota for sex. As you grow older, the urge to have sex decreases. So if you're still single at your peak age (early 20s to 30 somethings), basically you're wasting your chances of getting laid. This also relates to goal #2. Your better eggs are probably wasted during your peak age and only left with the less healthier once by the time you start a family in your mid-30s (i.e. if you're lucky enough to finally get married). I suppose that is why people find the need to freeze their eggs  - to at least stop-loss one aspect of the race.


So to summarize, how can you beat the race against time? How does a woman at 25 go to as many functions/parties as she can to meet "the one", while at the same time stop her biological clock from ticking too quickly? After all, it is certainly OK for a 35 yr old man to date a 25 yr old but he would certainly prefer dating a 25 yr old woman over a 35 yr old. How is it possible to accomplish both goals before 30? I say it's pretty impossible ... especially if you're still working your way through a second undergrad degree while most of your friends have switched jobs twice within the past 2 years. At least they're getting closer to achieving goal#1 while both goals for you are still no where in sight.

*thanks to the ladies who have inspired me to write this.